Change and My Lost Thoughts

This has happened to me over and over again during the past several days. I think about something at night, and it is a really good thought that I want to write down here. Unfortunately, my sister is still in school (year round), and I have to go to bed. I sit down on the computer, and the awesome thought is... gone. I don't believe it, it's like I'm wasting all of my thoughts. Mere shadows are the only remains I have of them... *sigh*

Well, several people have been talking about change recently, so should i talk about it? Maybe, if I wanted to follow the crowd. Which I don't want to do at all, unless the crowd is good, which it is, so I'll follow the crowd. There are two types of change: vuluntary, and involuntary. Both have happened to me over the years. First is involuntary. I lived a happy life in Oklahoma, hanging out w/ Buddy, friends, away from my annoying family, always screwing everything up and finding some fault with me. *sigh*.

Then, dad loses his job, economy, and we are forced to move. We were looking for a house, the only problem is, there are no good neighborhoods in VA (where my dad's new job was, and is), so, we decided to move into our grandparents old home in bad old NC. Everything went downhill. There were no good schools, but one of the better ones was a so-called elite public school. It wasn't actually elite, but it was the best option. So I go there, and the environment is so much... different. It's not the people were necessarily "mature", more like exposed to more, "mature" things. Most of 'em were jerks, and I only had several friends, who weren't even friends, more like aquaintances that I could talk to in order to save from boredom.

So I leave, and go to a private Catholic school, that wasn't much different, just throw in mass, and cut the students by a thousand, and there you have it. Still surrounded by that stupid rap "music", which isn't even music. Then, I didn't like rap, but now, after be surrounded by it, I was affected less and less and less. Until one day, I got up, and actually wanted to listen to it. At first, I couldn't believe it, and tried to drop it, but I couldn't, and the aquired taste in rap still haunts me today.

I grew up very fast in those two years, and sometimes I wish it never happened, but now I'm glad it happened, looking back. It shaped me into the person I am today, and showed me what I hope I will never become. The second change is voluntary. You want it to happen, you make it happen. It just doesn't come to you, like a forced move and a decided public school, you make it happen. Sometimes the reason are different. Some want to be cool, other want to get a guy/girl they are love-struck with. While other's choices are different. But all that change is the same: they make it happen.

I have down that, started last year, when I was taking a karate class. There I saw the kendo club practicing, and I instantly wanted to be part of that. For those of you who don't know, kendo is Japanese swordsmanship, evolved from kenjutu, and is now basically a sport popular in both Japan and the U.S. (just not on the same scale). Then I hear about a great Japanese swordsman named Miyamoto Musashi, who saught spiritual enlightenment by way of the sword. I was instantly motivated, inspired.

Going out, I signed up for some trial classes and kendo, sure it was hard, but I knew that it was my calling. I became a member, and started. Every Wednesday and Saturday I would come home from practice exhausted, but I was overjoyed with what I was doing, for the first time in two years, it was something I actually wanted to do. I then heard of two books, The Book of Five Rings (Go Rin No Sho in Japanese I believe) and Musashi, a fictionalized biography. Then I hear of the movies Samurai and the manga Vagabond (based on his life). I have yet to see/read most of those, but very soon I will, on my ever-lasting quest to better myself.

I have also started to learn Japanese. At first I learned the katakana, hiragana, and kanji online, then, I found out a friend's mother studied Japanese in college. I asked her if she would teach me, and she agreed. I have been taking Japanese for about two months, and like kendo, it is very hard, and very different from English, but I enjoy learning it, and enjoy expanding my knowledge.

Change is part of life, sometimes it is unwanted, but always needed. It makes people who they are and can even change the course of other people's lives, making and breaking relationships. People should always strive to better themselves, usually through change, but should also learn to accept unwanted and involuntary change, though it maybe be hard.